How do you explain to people why you twist to look at their laptops, without seeming like a geek. What is it that you want to find apart from information about operating systems? How do you explain why you would be interested in computers, in the desktop, the arrangement of material, what goes where. the name of their new story. Now I know people whose laptops are the scariest manifestation of themselves, just to peek is to either violate a code or to enter a space where you're desired, or both.
I know men who precariously balance laptops on their naked crotches, and tilt it away so I can't see. This is the moment to smile and turn the other way and go to sleep. There was only one moment when sheer curiosity got too much and I clambered across the bed in a very ungraceful way for just one peek. and sighing deeply, slid into my designated corner of the bed.
I know men who twist their laptops towards me in a coffee shop where I feel the whole world behind me is watching .. this unfurling of intimacy that I can't really touch.
And then there is mine, in twisted paths there is nudity, flesh, words .. words..words..scattered. Words that confuse and lie, explore contradictions. Words that journey through and not just what came at the end. Songs, poems, stories. Delusional. Fictional. Real. My laptop slowly fell open these past few months, from the device behind multiple barricades that I feared would open my secrets suddenly and meanly, it has become a trusted friend, that reveals and tells as it wants and without fear.
And I know men and women whose computers are like locked devices, and those who even if they do fall open might as well have not. There's no intimate message, no moment, no photograph, no email, no chaos .. all there is is conventional intimacy martyred to the causes of necessity. No slyly slipping strap of a dress that reveals a wicked shoulder...as naked as before, but still more naked.
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