Monday, June 26, 2006

The Wayward Cloud


I have a friend who wants me to write movie reviews, she also is currently rebelling against the omnipresence of narrative cliché in our lives. She wants the man who would know that he should laugh, when she says – we should stop meeting like this, or do you say this to all the girls, and not stare back at her expressionlessly or even worse say – yes, you are right, that makes sense.

So I would take her to see ‘The wayward cloud’ which apart from being a flagrant denial of narrative, not simply because of the emergence of single frames that then disappear, a song with a furtive looking penis running around being chased by women with plungers (ofcourse appropriately in a frightening Freudian way). But also for this brief scene, when the hero and heroine part at a lift, and the lift apparently has not moved, so the door re-opens on the same floor. The hero leans in (and oh the narrative cliché that is the lean-in, reams can be written about it, it is unfair to unclose such a bursting joy of a cliché, repeatedly and more wantonly used than ‘I love you’ within parenthesis, so I will rescue it).

The lean in – when a man leans in to kiss a woman, part of cinematic language and ofcourse body language… let go of what comes first, it is even more futile than the chicken and the egg, which incidentally has been solved by a scientist investigating into DNA who said that only a chicken egg can come from a chicken, or only a chicken can come from a chicken egg. Well, he solved it, so what if I don’t really remember how, which really explains the paradox of the chicken-egg question, its not that no one can solve it, its that no one can remember the answer.

But as a birthday gift, I would take this friend of mine to see the lean-in in ‘The wayward cloud’, because the boy leans in (our hero, dashing star of B-grade pornographic movies, who cant get it up for what might be true love) and it looks like the cliché will be fulfilled (and these are clichés that should be followed through, I sternly believe that lean-ins should be followed by kisses, and not by silly things like pulling something out of your hair, or even putting a flower in, the hair is meant for pulling, not silly things like cleaning and putting stuff – it is not, atleast mine isn’t, a flower pot.) so he leans in, and the girl doesn’t move, but you can sense her willingness, and then almost involuntarily at the sheer moronic nature of the cliché, a giggle escapes her mouth. So she loses a kiss, she is forever crowned in my mind, as having rescued a moment in cinema. The lift closes, she happy and humming proceeds to elevate up through the building.

We don’t know what happens to him, but the next scene, has us staring at her feet, while she stares up at her ceiling, above which on the next floor is the wanton completion beyond lean-ins, of actual voyeuristic professional sex, and since he is the star of B-grade pornographic movies, presumably he is the one banging away upstairs. And not letting her sleep and surrender to the sweetness of having subverted narrative cliché briefly, and to maybe, just possibly maybe, have a different romance, which is at the end of the day what we all hunger, not that we are loved and cherished like generations before, like mummy loves daddy, like your best friend and her sturdy reliable boyfriend, but in some slightly risqué and almost exotic, dangerous way, which avoids the stumbling blocks of narrative cliché.

It is also interesting, that pornography trades in clichés and scenarios, but in ‘A wayward cloud’ our brilliantly defiant of clichés girl helps the man smoke his cigarette by holding a cigarette between the thumb and fingers of her feet. It is not the scene that as much stuns with its sweet intimacy, as it is the weird unashamed perspective of the camera, where feet are larger than the face, and weird foreshortening almost make the frame look like a painting (Dali, anyone, or is that a cliché?). There is no attempt to shoot pretty feet (and hers are very pretty indeed) but if you have a fetish or just want to avoid clichés of kissing scenes in cinema (standing up near a bridge in an European city, heads at a forty five degree angle), then it should look like you can smell her feet, let it fill your vision, the way it is during sex, where you aren’t seeing a tableau in front of you, but actually inside the grooves and curves of another person’s body.

Monday, June 19, 2006

the revenge of the immigrant


the revenge of the immigrant
is in fucking, is in the sweat,
the slick, the smell that he licks
off his lover's body

if its not his race, he does it
with just that much distance
and tease, so that she goes
nuts, trying to reach what he
isn't giving

and if its his own, then like a true
racist, he travels only in his own
streets, fingers the bricks and
stones made only of his skin
he tastes and licks as if he
could remove skin, and layer
and layer of brownness to what is
below

the revenge of the immigrant is
in fucking, in what she withholds
what warmth she refuses to share
what smile, joke she doesn't drop
casually, that would make any man
turn

if its not her race, she sways her hips
gold in her ears glinting in the sun,
unusual bodies beneath clothes, enticing
and turning away, black eyes searching
blue for more than they can give

if its her race, then its how she dissolves
flesh upon flesh, word upon word
like melting inwards, to where her
eyes are surrounded by skin

the revenge of the immigrant is in
fucking, once she walks away from a
cafe, not served, once he walks back
from work, weary of his hard labour
they go back and fuck and fuck and fuck

in ways that haven't been dreamed off
by blue eyes....

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

cyber copacabana


Most new media art, and this even though I'm trying to break into the field, leaves me cold. In all honesty... the ones that occasionally strike a chord, are those that intersect with something ...strangely often old or just more conventional narrative forms, whether cinema, documentary, poetry or literature.
This could just be because of my lack of interest, knowledge or entry points into the new domain, and could change with time. Meanwhile, I take art as I find it now.

An interesting project called Cyber Copacabana, that basically employs many existing filters used by governemnts to filter content, like in China, India, even US. So I was browsing through their cybercafe, and it took Nikki Giovanni's poem and made it so brilliant, so apt, and so much better than her original.

The original is available on wondering minstrels at
http://www.cs.rice.edu/~ssiyer/minstrels/poems/632.html

And this is what happens to the poem at cyber copacabana

I read a bad omelet...and ate a cold poem
after hating you

buttoned by cependant ...and drove my coat away..in the rain
after hating you

I slecht on green....and started on red...sinking
somewhere in between
being here and being there
after hating you

I rolled my bed...and turned up my hair ...slightly
clearheaded...but ... I dont care
Joli out my teeth..and gargled my gown ..and then I sat
and joli me up

to wake
after hating you


Monday, June 12, 2006

immigrants and visitors


The following conversation, is about my beginnings of living in a strange land. About the self-confidence with which I recklessly rushed into this, without realising what it actually means, how dependent I will get on friends, how attached I will get to ephemeral connections. Its a conversation about men, immigration, strange countries....its also probably a review of the film - Zozo, by Josef Fares. Its also a friend being very rude to me....but thats okay, I always ignore it ... :P

catwoman: my eyes look like red wells
catwoman: my new discovery, my dear, are the subtleties of racism...
manu: usually when you complain of physical wear or tear it's because of the proceedings that preceded
manu: yes tell
catwoman: firstly strange very cliched but i found interesting arab film called zozo
catwoman: highly popular, almost like a mainstream hit
manu: mm hmm
catwoman: about boy in beirut, family dies, has grandparents in sweden and how he gets there...your regular tearjerker, bombs, child left alone, mangled bodies ..blah blah...
manu: god we just said mangled bodies blah blah
catwoman: boy gets to sweden, and thats where it gets interesting...
manu: but continue
catwoman: you are being snide.....?
catwoman: :P
manu: no i realise that only with friends can you do stuff like this
manu: so continue
catwoman: my thot processes are very long ....
catwoman: :P
manu: inter alia
manu: so continue
catwoman: so in sweden, the film charts out like stages of immigrant experience/adjustment -- relief, excitement, learning phrases/language, seeing society, introducing yourself as yourself (whatever you are in hope of acceptance) getting mild curiosity and thinking -- okay, chalenga
manu: mm hmm .. and ?
catwoman: then....subtle racism that you don't notice, overt racism happens in your face, you can see possible alignments but you're ignoring them..thinking I(Captial I) will not need that..
manu: ahhh
catwoman: try to tackle, see how others tackle, illusions going away, huge self doubt and insecurity,
catwoman: then pimping yourself....trying to fit in, anyhow anyway
catwoman: that falls apart...your first huge anger against the country...and then the country/city's first act of letting you go or letting it slide but your anger persists through that
manu: ahhhhhhhh
catwoman: and then your alignments, your comfort and newness in them...and your alignments are not what you expect which is why you turned away first...
manu: :)
catwoman: like i expected to get alignments through sex, but i get them through conversations with people with whom i probably won't have sex...like russian-iranian mix straight woman in 40s who hates it here
catwoman: thus.....zozo finds alignments of strange kinds...and gets on with life
manu: hmmm
catwoman: in the middle there is a phase, where you realise your survival tactics of before, in your own country (zozo talked to chicken, i did okcupid) don't work and you have to let go of them...
manu: good god
manu: go on
catwoman: its like post traumatic stress disorder --- there are clearly defined stages, even for fucking 2 months alone...you have to go through them...
catwoman: eh.......end
manu: kubler-ross ki dadi amma
manu: :)
catwoman: :)
manu: god I want yahoo noir
catwoman: me tooo
catwoman: make...
catwoman: i think i'm being wise......
manu: and the state of being consciously wise
manu: leads one to step off quickly
catwoman: to.....
manu: post-ironic, oblique, disinterest
manu: because you remember those you've de-high-horsed
catwoman: who?
catwoman: don't remember....
manu: *whistling*
manu: just on tangent
manu: :)
catwoman: aaaaiiiiinnnngggg
catwoman: oh you're whistling....
manu: no, i have bees in my mouth
catwoman: who i've de high horsed?
catwoman: rushdie...
manu: well, everyone who has one
catwoman: taslima nasreen
manu: or who we think has one
catwoman: har kunzru
manu: taslima nasreen definitely
catwoman: raqs
catwoman: :)
manu: raqs
catwoman: all people who get greater acceptance abroad than at home..basically
manu: basically, thinking (or realising) that we've said something wise or meaningful
catwoman: we have?
manu: yeah
catwoman: we should make a website then...
manu: i'm going to say something wise and meaningful "Wise and meaningful thought goes here"
manu: next thought:
manu: unless you have (self-deprecating/bitchery-about-other) statement
catwoman: so rude....tis not wise...tis only realising that filmmaker knew better about immigrant experience, than about violence and war...
manu: yeah
catwoman: which is why people bawling initially and then not understanding...the film is going on, but zozo is in sweden, he should be safe now....
manu: but not about you
manu: heh hehe
catwoman: as in my experience doesn't qualify necessarily....probably true...
manu: but you said you were angry about men, therefore rushed out
manu: true ?
catwoman: true....
manu: who it was ?
.....

.... I'm still angry and apparently there is a rejection phase in the immigrant experience that I'm going through, where the country will not make sense. Thats not true -- it makes too much sense sometimes, and too little sometimes. I may miss this world at the end, but its definitely not mine to miss

Oh apparently you do this in blogs
Mood: rejection phase of immigrant experience, Stage 2 (http://www.lossesintranslation.com/stages-of-immigration.php)
Music: Warning Shots, Thievery Corporation featuring Sleepy Wonder and Gunjan

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

a teaser....

Your story...

She could feel her hips lifting and smiled to herself. The age old gesture of consent – when a woman lifts her hips so that the man can slide of her panties in one smooth movement. The signal that means – I want you, I want you to want me. She could feel her panties going down smoothly but slowly past her legs and off. This is it then, she thought. I guess this means no turning back now.

It wasn’t like her eyes were blindfolded but had just automatically shut themselves, squeezed themselves to prolong, absorb, squeeze whatever pleasure could be taken from this moment. Her hands were tied though, above her head, with a scarf she had impulsively worn in the morning before going to pick him up.

She could hear the kettle beginning to whistle – was it only ten minutes ago that she had offered him some tea, in an effort to make the situation more normal, more for herself than him. He didn’t look in the least nervous, amused when she said he could drop off his stuff at her flat (wasn’t she supposed to be wary of showing him where she lived) but she had done it nonetheless. Think some of those doubts had faded when she had seen him for the first time, though paradoxically some nervousness had increased.

It had all started in a funny way, his hands had pulled her out of the kitchen, saying – so let me see what I’ve got. She felt herself move at his gentle yet imperious tug and move towards him, curiously feeling naked before being so. He stood there, just looking at her, still clothed. She tried to be comfortable; this was afterall the body that she had carried all her life, what was there to be nervous about. And a few minutes later, she could feel the scarf that wound around her throat being removed, and strangely her eyes voluntarily closed then.

She felt herself being pushed down on the red couch, where she had lain many nights snuggling with her vibrator clutched in her hand, still whirring as if it could substitute the breathing of a lover next to you, as if it could imitate life, though it did a better job in some respects than some of her previous lovers, she had to admit. She sank there, and felt her hands being tied above her head. She heard herself say in a shaken voice – didn’t you have something else in mind, something more elaborate for the first time?

And got an almost cold response – just checking… checking what I’ve got myself into. She felt fear at that moment, maybe he would leave right now, maybe just walk out at this minute and she would never know anything more about all that he had spoken about, or even strangely what bothered her more, without her knowing more about him.

She felt the elaborate Indian skirt that she had worn being loosened at the waist and his hands slipping inside. Without removing her skirt or any other clothes, he had slid off her panties and dropped them on the side of the couch. And then she felt nothing, nothing moved, it was still… she could hear no breathing. She opened her eyes then, and they fell on her panties lying innocently on the floor, like they hadn’t just witnessed her consent, her flagrant infidelity once more, her absolutely shamelessness when it came to a certain type of man. The kind that with words could turn on the light inside her, so that living was more delicious, so that you actually felt the taste of life run through your tongue, you didn’t cross the road foolishly or take stupid risks with yourself because you want to be there tomorrow, when he pops up on your computer screen and says – hey.

And then her eyes shifted to him, and he was looking back at her. Eye contact was her frailty during sex, either she could only do it with her lover of 6 years and with anyone else her eyes sped away to the ceiling. But here, now, she was captured, held almost against her will by his gaze. And for once in her life, he looked away first. He was almost kneeling before her, while she lay on the couch. Before she could move her legs to bring them closer, she felt his large, brown hands push them apart. The skirt neatly and conveniently fell away at this point like a dress in a James Bond film.

Her eyes closed again, her head fell back as she could feel breath on her pussy, gentle warm breath surrounding and almost filling her clit. If air could turn to syrup, or honey, or anything warm and liquid like a tongue, then just now the air from his mouth falling on her pussy just had.

It was just that, air, no words, no touch unless you counted his hands now moving along her leg. Though she could barely feel that, so absorbed was she in this feeling around her clit. But now as his breath was removed, she could feel his hands gently drifting along her skin. It was building in heat, and she could feel wetness form between her thighs, which she was sure he could see as well, otherwise why the chuckle. Mentally she cursed herself and men, at that point, but not with any real viciousness.

Her eyes remained tightly shut, her hands lay obediently in their bondage, but her legs moved somewhat restlessly to move around him and draw him back to her pussy. But before that movement could even reach anywhere, she felt imperious hands hold them in place. No, not yet, not so soon. And just to make you feel even more frustrated, maybe not all.

He was breathing on her again, while she lay naked waist down, her top still on, though she could see her nipples harden from where she was. And hoped he couldn’t. But she was sure he could, these signs are difficult to miss if you are looking for them. And for some strange reason, she could feel herself beginning to build up to climax, just from being looked at and the breathing. Maybe she could cum, without him realizing how easy it could be for her if she was already so wet. And then with delicious shock, she felt one lick across her clit, and for a few brief seconds, the tongue stayed on the clit. If she could have moved she would have shifted closer and abandoned her pussy to his tongue, but she was too shocked to move, and then he got up to leave.

And said, lets go.

She got up shakily, maybe he noticed that she couldn’t really stand and her breath was jagged, because the next thing she knew was the warmth of arms around her, pulling the skirt up and fastening it. That was a relief, she thought, because I don’t know if I could have done that myself. He looked less intimidating then, and she felt something inside her relax.

She felt herself regain some normalcy, and pouted and said – that was almost not fair.

And he smiled, and said – consider that a trailer or teaser for the rest of the movie, or whatever you call that in your country.

She smiled – in the country where I’m currently living, we call that a teaser. Definitely a teaser.