immigrants and visitors

The following conversation, is about my beginnings of living in a strange land. About the self-confidence with which I recklessly rushed into this, without realising what it actually means, how dependent I will get on friends, how attached I will get to ephemeral connections. Its a conversation about men, immigration, strange countries....its also probably a review of the film - Zozo, by Josef Fares. Its also a friend being very rude to me....but thats okay, I always ignore it ... :P

catwoman: my eyes look like red wells
catwoman: my new discovery, my dear, are the subtleties of racism...
manu: usually when you complain of physical wear or tear it's because of the proceedings that preceded
manu: yes tell
catwoman: firstly strange very cliched but i found interesting arab film called zozo
catwoman: highly popular, almost like a mainstream hit
manu: mm hmm
catwoman: about boy in beirut, family dies, has grandparents in sweden and how he gets there...your regular tearjerker, bombs, child left alone, mangled bodies ..blah blah...
manu: god we just said mangled bodies blah blah
catwoman: boy gets to sweden, and thats where it gets interesting...
manu: but continue
catwoman: you are being snide.....?
catwoman: :P
manu: no i realise that only with friends can you do stuff like this
manu: so continue
catwoman: my thot processes are very long ....
catwoman: :P
manu: inter alia
manu: so continue
catwoman: so in sweden, the film charts out like stages of immigrant experience/adjustment -- relief, excitement, learning phrases/language, seeing society, introducing yourself as yourself (whatever you are in hope of acceptance) getting mild curiosity and thinking -- okay, chalenga
manu: mm hmm .. and ?
catwoman: then....subtle racism that you don't notice, overt racism happens in your face, you can see possible alignments but you're ignoring them..thinking I(Captial I) will not need that..
manu: ahhh
catwoman: try to tackle, see how others tackle, illusions going away, huge self doubt and insecurity,
catwoman: then pimping yourself....trying to fit in, anyhow anyway
catwoman: that falls apart...your first huge anger against the country...and then the country/city's first act of letting you go or letting it slide but your anger persists through that
manu: ahhhhhhhh
catwoman: and then your alignments, your comfort and newness in them...and your alignments are not what you expect which is why you turned away first...
manu: :)
catwoman: like i expected to get alignments through sex, but i get them through conversations with people with whom i probably won't have sex...like russian-iranian mix straight woman in 40s who hates it here
catwoman: thus.....zozo finds alignments of strange kinds...and gets on with life
manu: hmmm
catwoman: in the middle there is a phase, where you realise your survival tactics of before, in your own country (zozo talked to chicken, i did okcupid) don't work and you have to let go of them...
manu: good god
manu: go on
catwoman: its like post traumatic stress disorder --- there are clearly defined stages, even for fucking 2 months alone...you have to go through them...
catwoman: eh.......end
manu: kubler-ross ki dadi amma
manu: :)
catwoman: :)
manu: god I want yahoo noir
catwoman: me tooo
catwoman: make...
catwoman: i think i'm being wise......
manu: and the state of being consciously wise
manu: leads one to step off quickly
catwoman: to.....
manu: post-ironic, oblique, disinterest
manu: because you remember those you've de-high-horsed
catwoman: who?
catwoman: don't remember....
manu: *whistling*
manu: just on tangent
manu: :)
catwoman: aaaaiiiiinnnngggg
catwoman: oh you're whistling....
manu: no, i have bees in my mouth
catwoman: who i've de high horsed?
catwoman: rushdie...
manu: well, everyone who has one
catwoman: taslima nasreen
manu: or who we think has one
catwoman: har kunzru
manu: taslima nasreen definitely
catwoman: raqs
catwoman: :)
manu: raqs
catwoman: all people who get greater acceptance abroad than at home..basically
manu: basically, thinking (or realising) that we've said something wise or meaningful
catwoman: we have?
manu: yeah
catwoman: we should make a website then...
manu: i'm going to say something wise and meaningful "Wise and meaningful thought goes here"
manu: next thought:
manu: unless you have (self-deprecating/bitchery-about-other) statement
catwoman: so rude....tis not wise...tis only realising that filmmaker knew better about immigrant experience, than about violence and war...
manu: yeah
catwoman: which is why people bawling initially and then not understanding...the film is going on, but zozo is in sweden, he should be safe now....
manu: but not about you
manu: heh hehe
catwoman: as in my experience doesn't qualify necessarily....probably true...
manu: but you said you were angry about men, therefore rushed out
manu: true ?
catwoman: true....
manu: who it was ?
.....

.... I'm still angry and apparently there is a rejection phase in the immigrant experience that I'm going through, where the country will not make sense. Thats not true -- it makes too much sense sometimes, and too little sometimes. I may miss this world at the end, but its definitely not mine to miss

Oh apparently you do this in blogs
Mood: rejection phase of immigrant experience, Stage 2 (http://www.lossesintranslation.com/stages-of-immigration.php)
Music: Warning Shots, Thievery Corporation featuring Sleepy Wonder and Gunjan