casual sex - first in the series

how do they come to the come to the come to the come..and come again...:)


i thought i would not find a poem
about something as .... whatever
as casual sex, and would have to
write it myself, however bad, to find
out if other people felt like i did
after casual sex, and then i watched
tom cruise run into new york city
crazy looking for people, and maybe
even slightly glad not to find any,
and then panicky... ...always found
that walking away was difficult. either
wanted to curl and sleep some more,
for obvious reasons of tired body..smile
or just run to the door. and tell someone
anyone - i've done it. human sexual contact
without price, without gift, without ever
leaving the room of my mind. i found it
but always i walked away, tired, body
aching, falling, stumbling slightly
while walking away. never ran, or haven't
so far. have over-stayed though, and i
think that might be worse. because of
all the wetness that evaporates between
the thighs at simply the thought of
going back to someone, who always
stayed in this flat, waiting, waiting...
yes, casual sex is better, better than
being chained. casual sex is a swing
from a rope with one silken thread holding
you to 'real love' - something we always
disown during casual sex, somewhere
between - you're so wet, and nice ass, we
disown love. doesn't really exist. heteronormativity
corporate strategy to earn money from valentines day,
neediness of those others - those others
we usually are with- we sort of disown them

and then down the road pay the price
of having to remember, to need
the wrong person. the wrong person's
thin brown arms, the wrong person's
words. the wrong person whose hair
smells of old books, the wrong person...

maybe if we didn't disown, so obviously
maybe if i didn't walk to the door, maybe
if i stayed, maybe if i did more, said more
had held on more, did the blow job
didn't do the blow job, didn't take so much
didn't laugh so much... maybe..then...silken
threads wouldn't snap so easily and the rope
of two bodies temporarily together. wouldn't seem
like the 'real thing'